Blame It All on Saturday Night Live
Officials today are taking a page straight out of Saturday Night Live when Eddie Murphy and Jon Lovitz went out of their way to outdo the other in tales of agony.
“Well, the other day I poked my eye with a corkscrew and it really hurt.”
“Yeah, well I turned a corkscrew once and then twice, then spun it around the other direction. Ouch!”
“Really? Well, I dropped a sword on my foot and sliced off my little toe.”
“The little one? Ha, I was swimming and a boat propeller ran right through my thigh.”
The insanity today is American government and those who control the beast.
One day the country’s economy was booming with historically high employment, and all-time low unemployment among ever demographic. Taxes were low and companies that had escaped the country during the Obama Administration were returning and employing and paying high wages and doling out bonuses. For the first time ever America was energy independent and free from the choke-hold of Arab countries in the Middle East.
And then Covid-19. And then Mr. Biden won the election. And anything and everything Orange Man Bad had done must be considered verboten. Meaning it must be undone, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!
Now we truly know the power of executive orders. Who figured?
• Starting with gas prices which in some places were below $2.00 a gallon. But we must go green, so:
Mr. Biden derails the Keystone Pipeline, putting 52,100 of highly paid union workers out of a job and cutting off vital oil. He followed that up by stopping oil production on federal lands and outlawing fracking after promising time and again that he would not.
(Murphy: “So I peeled the skin off my earlobe…)
(Lovitz: “Oh, yeah, well I…”)
In the aftermath of that, Biden turned around in March and bought 1.033 million barrels of Iranian crude despite sanctions on Iran’s energy sector.
Then, yes, and then, Biden scrapped economic sanctions Trump had placed on Russia’s controversial firm building the Nord Stream 2 pipeline to Germany.
No, that was not enough. Mr. Biden couldn’t live with himself without suspending oil and gas leases in the 1002 Area, a federally designated oil preserve of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), reversing a Trump administration achievement in opening up the area after decades of lobbying by Alaska officials.
Honestly. You can’t make this stuff up.
• Then there’s U.S.-Iran Nuclear Deal brokered by Mr. Obama — and next to Nixon opening the Bamboo Curtain — perhaps the most misfortunate (no, let’s call it by it real name, “Stupid”) foreign-policy decision in U.S. history. I mean, $150 billion was surreptitiously loaded onto a plane in the middle of the night and flown to the world’s leading promoter of violence; and this was after signing a deal basically allowing that killer nation to build nuclear weapons.
When Orange Man Bad got into office he had canceled the agreement with a “maximum pressure” policy whose economic sanctions created economic hardship on an Iran government that wantonly and at will broke the agreement. The nuclear advances in Iran slowed for four years and the some of the citizens started calling for the end of the ayatollah’s rule.
But it was an Orange Man Bad policy, so it had to go.
Uncle not only lifted the sanctions because we all know the world’s leading financer of terror truly needs a nuclear arsenal.
(Murphy: “So I cut off the tip of my finger…”
(Lovitz: “Oh, yeah? …”)
Then Joe promised to return to a policy of partnership with Iran,
Next? Oh, there are so many choices. Hm-m-m… Let’s go with:
• That old bugaboo that keeps changing with the times, the ever-catchy “Climate Change,” a scary topic to so many… yet doesn’t even break into the Top 10 Concerns in any believable survey. Once “scientists” promised there was a impending Ice Age. Oops. Sorry, it’s Global Warming on the scale that beaches everywhere would go under the sea. Oops. Well, climate does change. It has since the beginning of time. God made it that way — kind of a balance, counter-balance sort of thing on this orb we call home.
Orange Man Bad had pulled out of the Paris Accord in which America and others would hamstring their businesses while the world’s two leaders of pollution mongers — China and India — need to do absolutely nothing for a couple decades.
Hey, you might have noticed that America has clean air and water nowadays. No? Then where do you live?
Mr. Biden corrected this miscarriage of well-meaning and re-entered the country into the Paris pact.
(“So when I threw myself off the cliff, I tripped on a rock and hit my head on the way down…)
(Oh, yeah? …”)
Not happy with this simple solution to climate, Mr. Biden promised to jump all aboard the sound plan called the Green New Deal by promising to be carbon-neutral (that is, net zero emissions) by 2030.
There you go. We’ll be able to breath again, to fish our streams and lakes.
• Right-o, then there are the taxes.
Mr. Obama had declared America had to face a future with a “new normal” of high employment and few manufacturing jobs.
But Orange Man Bad cut taxes, all taxes, and the failing economy had taken off like a rocket ship. Corporations that had abandoned America because of crippling taxes \started returning. Everyone who wanted a job could get one. Corporations gave out bonuses left and right. The upturn was phenomenal.
(“When I slipped a disc I decided to go skateboarding…”)
Well, Uncle Joe apparently thinks lower taxes is a horrible idea. His move? Raise taxes back up so they are among the highest in the world.
(“I did, too, then jumped out of a plane without a parachute…”)
Here’s the President’s declaration: Only people earning more than $400,000 a year will see their taxes go up.
Right. We all believed that for how long… nope, sorry, we didn’t.
• Ah, and then there’s abortion, considered murder by all those darned Christians. Orange Man Bad, claiming himself a new-born one of those, ended American funding of abortions around the world.
(“The paring knife wasn’t sharp enough to cut my finger nails, so I sharpened it…”)
Uncle Joe, a self-described “deeply committed Catholic” just like Nancy Pelosi, simply had to address this issue. We’re increasing the funding to Planned Parenthood, the leading abortionists in the country, and proposing using taxpayers’ money in-country to pay for abortions outright — the 45-year-old Hyde Amendment be damned.
( “Oh, yeah?…”)
Not only that but we’re reinstituting the funding of abortions globally. So many women are clamoring to cut out that troublesome glob of tissue on their tummies.
• And never would Mr. Biden forget the crowds and stadiums-full of men who feel themselves women and want to change sexes, or women who feel masculine enough to have their body parts snipped off, too. Orange Man Bad was really dastardly with this group.
(“Hey, did you notice how dull that surgeon’s scalpel was that cut off my?…”)
When Uncle Joe took the reins, that trans-denial thinking had to go. If a boy thought himself a girl, he must be allowed in the girls’ showers and bathrooms. No, more: he must be allowed to compete in sports on the girls’ teams. Hooray for equality and equity between the two races.
Thanks to more progressive decision-making and executive order-signing by Mr. Biden, taxpayers will now foot the bill for “gender reassignment surgery” for active military personnel and veterans. Hold your breath. Some treatments cost upward of $200,000 under an executive order
But what’s a couple hundred thousand dollars among friends?
(“Remember that spur on my ankle, my cleaver took care of that. Oh, yeah?…”)
There are so many other topics of irony and idiocy — like the overwhelmed U.S.-Mexican border and the never-ending control of gun ownership — but I’ve reached my limit of disgust for one session.
Oh, except that I can’t forget Covid-19. Early on, Orange Man Bad suggested hydroxychloroquinecould be an answer to the pandemic. Well, if it came from that horrible man’s lips, it must be bad. Such an idea must be canceled, just like him. So, with the help of the mainstream media, that thought was nixed. In fact, the FDA outlawed such treatment.
Now we find out that the Health Ministry in Mexico City reports a 76-percent reduction in hospitalizations when people were treated with — what? — hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin. And similar results are reported in India.
So, does that mean Orange Man Bad’s advice could have saved tens of thousands of lives?
How dare anyone think such a thing! You never read that here.
Where are Eddie Murphy and Jon Lovitz when you need them?